Saturday, March 26, 2011

Time to shoot the printer

Have you ever bought one of those expensive electronic gadgets, paid extra even for one that was supposedly " better?" Then, next thing you know, certainly way before it should happen, your expensive electronic gadget lets you down.  As in quit.  Kaput.  Dead.  Doesn't work.

Well, my printer is kinda like that.  I paid $250 for one that prints, copies, scans, faxes, you can plug your little camera memory stick into it and print directly from the memory stick, it does all kinds of things that I never heard of and never even thought about using.  But it was a good one.  Well, this good one stopped faxing one day.  No special reason why it should have and the only thing we could figure out was that there was a lightning storm the day before.  Perhaps the storm knocked out the fax feature?  And of course the machine was just barely out of warranty.  What to do, what to do?  Since we didn't use the fax very often, and the other features kept working, we kept using it.  We printed.  We copied.  We scanned things to e-mail and emailed them.  Life was good.  Then one day we could not scan things to e-mail any longer.  No recent lightning storms, what was the deal?  Good question and we still have no answer.  The printer gods must really have been pissed at us because they are doing all kinds of things to make us mad.  Such as?  Such as letting the printer still print but you're going to be waiting five full minutes for each page to print.  What the hell?  This is my super duper expensive printer that I paid good money for.  Why is it doing this to me?

It is the same reason why every electronic gadget known to man is eventually going to piss you off.  Electronics are genetically programmed to hate you.  Yeah.  They hate humans.  It is their life's purpose to work fine for a little while in order to build up your confidence then, usually when you need it the most, it is going to break.  No ifs ands or buts, it is going to break some time.  And it's going to make you mad.

Well, is there anything that can be done?  Is there any way to fight back against these electronic monsters?
Only one.  When your electronics give out, the only solution is to take it outside, hang it from a tree and slowly and systematically blow it apart piece by piece by piece, preferably with a high powered rifle.  If used in enough quantity, dynamite could be a viable substitute.

OK.  But how is this helping, is this going to teach those machines a lesson?
Don't be stupid.  Of course it will do no such thing.  But what it will do is to give you a sense of satisfaction, perhaps lower your blood pressure a little and put a smile on your face.  Very few things in life will provide the pleasure of demolishing electronics that have been pissing you off for months.  At least it works for me.

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